My name is Jerr,. and I am 59 years old and live in Virginia. Although my mom told me I was fully potty trained before I was 3 years old, I kind of feel like I must have failed the course, because for as long as I can remember I still wanted to be a baby and wear and use diapers like I did before training.
I can remember asking my mom to tell me what it was like before I was potty trained and pooped in my diapers. Of course, she could only say things like "poopy diapers are nasty", and not what I really wanted to know which was how it felt to do it in my diaper. Finally,(I think I was 5 years old) I decided to find out what it was like.
My mom was at the grocery store and I was staying with my grandma. We were in her living room, and I was laying in the floor coloring while she was reading. I felt a growing need to go poop, and instead of telling her I had to go potty, I slowly pushed the whole mess into my pants as I lay there. I didn't have long to see what it felt like because all of a sudden I was yanked to my feet by my grandma.
She felt the seat of my pants, and then spanked me across the back of my legs, them marched me into the bathroom to clean me up. All in all this first experience wasn't very enjoyable. I was a bedwetter, and thuus, wetting my pants wasn't something I enjoyed much' although I had a few accidents (including a couple of times in school), and wet once or twice on purpose, I was still enthralled with the idea of messing my pants.
The next time that happened was an accident at a family reunion when I was 7 or 8. I had gone for a walk in the woods with my grandpa, and had to poop, but he woildn't stop to let me go in the woods. As we walked, I passed gas a couple of times, and felt better each time. Then as the pressure built again, I tried to pass gas again, only this time it wasn't gas. I filled my pants with mushy poop.
I just stopped and stood as it all came out into my pants. My grandpa called me, and I walked on, staying behind hom so he wouldn't notice what I'd done. When we got back, lunch was ready, and I slipped over to the kids table and sat down. The feeling as i say and mashed the poop against my bottom was nearly electric.
I was totally embarrassed and ashamed for what I'd done in my pants, but at the same time there was a feeling of elation at doing something so infantile. I managed to sit thru ost of my lunch without anyone noticing other than one of the older girls saying it smelled like someone had messed their pants. Then my grandma came over and asked me if I still had to go poop.
I told her it had only been gas, but she made me get up and come into the bathroom with her. I tried to get her to let me go alone, but she said there might be a snakein there. I still tried to hide my accident by dumping the poop in the potty, but of course she caught me, and called my mom in.
By this time the mess in my pants had stained my shorts, and had even spread to my shirt, so I had nothing to wear. After some discussion, they got some of my grown cousins old clothes from my aunt. Unfortunately, my grown cousin was a girl, so I was put in a pair of girls panties and a dress for the rest of the day.
I was more emmbarrassed about that than from messing my pants. Over the next year or so, I continued to think about pooping in my pants in general, and that accident in particular. finally, sometime after my 9th birthday, I decided I'd do it again on purpose.
I really wanted to be in diapers, and do it like I was a baby, but I didn't have any way to get any, so I decidee I'd pretend I was wearing traing pants (like I'd seen my cousin have on), and poop in them. I didn't go potty before I went out to play, and after I'd been out in the yard for a while., I started trying to poop.
It wasn't as easy as i thought it would be, then, as I was on the verge of filling my pants, I chickened out, and started to walk towards the house, intendingto go potty instead of in my pants. But it was too late, it started coming out. At first I tried to stop, but then as I enjoyed the feeling, I just pushed it all into my pants.
After I finished I went back to playing. It wasn't long before mom called me into lunch. I tried to hide what I'd done, but she noticed. I told her I'd had an accident in my pants. She helped me clean up and changed my pants for me. I did this a few more times over the next couple of weeks and mom soon realized they weren't accidents, and I started getting spanked for messing my pants.
Then one day, she told me if I didn't stop pooping in my pants, she was going to make me wear diapers. I begged her not to, then went in my bedroom and pooped in my pants again. she didn't put a diaper on me though. Finally, several things happened in my baby life.
I got better at hideing my 'accidents", I even did it a couple of times while I was playing with other kids, and earned a few nicknames like "stinky". Mom got tired of spanking me for it (my punishment was having to change and wash my own messy pants )and my mom went to work, leaving me free to practice my babyhood almost at will.
I'd hold my poop all day at school, and go in my pants after school after I got home of as I walked home. I got my first diapers as a teen, and found some waterproof inccontinence pants. They were snap-on pants called futuro. I rediscovered the joys of wetting my diapers after that.
Since that time I have worn diapers off and on for about 40 years, and like they say on the DPF website, I felt like I was the only one for most of my life. I finally saw some letters in the old Pent House Forum magazines, and realized here were others. Then about 7 years ago I got my first computer and got on the net. A whole new world opened before me. Now, I've even met a few others into diapers like me.