It wasn’t the first time I'd wet the bed. Wet the bed from a night terror since I had come back from Iraq, My gray T-shirt soaked in sweat, head pounding in confusion. In my dream I was back with my unit, the only female marine in our convoy, driving down the streets of Iraq near the base I was stationed. The dream always consisted of the 5 minutes prior to the bomb blowing up our convoy. The screams of my fellow marines, the looks on their faces. My mortal terror...I was a good 5'11, toned body from 4 years of PT in the marines, and vigorous workouts that I've learned helped me cope with my PTSD from the war in Iraq. My hair was shaggy, and un-kept, but I was always told I had strikingly good looks no matter how I kept up with myself, so I didn’t do much "keeping up" with my looks, as I’ve found out that it doesn’t make me any less appealing.
I got out of bed, and examined the amount of liquid on the sheets. Again I would have to wake up my girlfriend Danielle, and tell her we had to change the sheets, my awkward demeanor and shamed look gave away what happened those nights.
She was beautiful, 5'5 and had a stellar physique, tanned skin, and long beautiful brown hair that reached almost to the small of her back. " It's okay sweetheart, go clean up, I'll take care of the sheets, come back to bed and try to get some sleep when you've cleaned up a little bit" she said, as she felt the degree of wetness on the bed.
Cleaning the bed hadn't been so time consuming lately, she had taken to putting a plastic mattress cover under the sheets, so whenever I wet the bed, it wouldn’t be so hard to clean up. "I’m sorry" I said, my head pounding, still shaken up from my ever lasting nightmare.
She immediately stopped her task of putting the sheets together and walked to me, her body almost touching mine, I was about 6 inches taller than her. she ran her hands through my short, shaggy like hair, and kept them there "stop it" she said gently "We'll get through this, it's not your fault". She walked to the bed and continued getting the soaked sheets together to put in the hamper. I walked to the bathroom, stripping my body of my wet pajama pants, and sweat soaked T-shirt, and the not so distant memories of the real life nightmare of war. I stepped into the shower, turning on the water as hot as it could go, and when I was sure Danielle had laid back down, I let back the flow of tears that couldn’t lay dormant anymore, sinking to the bottom of the shower floor holding my knees to my chest, rocking back and forth. I did this until the hot water turned cold, and until my mind stopped spinning. It must of been 4am when I finally stepped out of the bathroom, fresh pajamas on. I pulled up the fresh covers and slid into bed. I drifted into sleep, only awakened by the alarm clock ringing at 7am. Danielle got up, put on her scrubs and went to start her shift at the hospital.
I got out of bed around 8:30am. I moved to my closet. Since leaving the Marines, I got a job at the Police Department. I was a detective with the Special Victims Unit. I finally got to the station around 9:30am.
"Have a good night's rest?" said Johnson, my partner. She was about 5'8, her long hair placed strategically into a bun, her tanned skin was the only indicator of her Italian heritage. "Sure enough didn’t" I said jokingly as I grabbed the case file that was on my desk." Female victim, aged 18, found in the shady downtown districts of the city" Johnson said, as she shook her head from side to side. As she always did. she had a sense of despair for all the victims of crimes like this. "Got a whole lot of head trauma, doesn’t look too good" she said as she handed me a cup of coffee. "Well let's go down to the hospital and try talking to her" I said, taking the cup of coffee into my hands. We got into our car, with Johnson in the passengers seat and I in the drivers. "Danielle called, just a few minutes before you came in" as she adjusted her seat belt. "She seems worried about you, wanted to see if you had come into the station yet, said you'd been having some nightmares again" she said. I'd always been annoyed at the fact that the two of them had such a close friendship. They'd been friends since college, been roommates throughout the years. It was Johnson who introduced me to Danielle. "Yeah, but it's nothing" I said, trying my best to keep it short, "Nothing I can’t handle" grabbing my cup from the cup holder trying to think of something to say to change the subject. She seemed to understand this, and obliged to my attempt to change the subject. "Well the victim regained consciousness last night, seems she's just as eager to talk to us as we are to her" she said.
We reached to hospital in about 10 minutes. My pace about 5 steps ahead of Johnsons. The victim, Amanda Dublar looked at us as we walked into her hospital room. "Hello Amanda, I'm Detective Hemson, and this is my partner Detective Johnson, we're here to help you, and if there’s any details at all, you may have overlooked when you spoke to officers earlier, would be much appreciated now" I said in my best attempt to sound sincere.
"Well I don’t remember a lot" she said looking over at Johnson, looking her up and down "But what I do remember is that he wore a ski mask, and sun glasses at the same time" "He told me to close my eyes and keep it that way" she said. I was writing all this down in my notebook when I felt it. I was guessing the coffee, it was that exact moment the nurse walking past the room dropped the box of copier paper she was carting. I felt myself start to get the feelings I got when I woke up from a nightmare. I dropped my notebook and clutched my head as I fell to my knees. I felt my bladder emptying into my pants, soaking up every inch of the crotch of them. Johnson ran to me and tried to understand what was going on, taking in the full sight of me clutching my head rocking back and forth. "Hemson!" she exclaimed, "Hemson, can you hear me?" I couldn’t hear a darn thing anyone was yelling. Two nurses and a doctor heard the commotion and ran into the hospital room. "What is going on?" yelled the nurse. That was all I remembered until I woke up 5 hours later, in that same hospital. Danielle sitting at my side, a look of worry and exhaustion in her eyes. "What is going on" I said. She immediately stood up, "Nurse, she woke up" she said to a passing nurse. "They don’t know what happened sweetie, you must of had some sort of panic attack" she said as she rubbed my shoulder from the side she was standing on. The doctor came in shortly after. "Ms. Hemson" he said, looking at me in the eyes, "until we've gotten you an MRI and a cat scan. We can’t be sure what exactly has happened, but I'm leaning on an extreme panic attack from your PTSD. “I have work to do and case files to look over" I said. "I’ve got to get out of here" and having said that I stood up. "Look I’m sorry doc, I’ve got things that have priority over some little panic attack" I said. "Ms. Hemson, I urge you to stay here until we can make wind of this situation" he said. "Listen to him, please" Danielle said, looking exasperated. "Danielle I’m fine, stop this" I got up and walked to my girlfriend, "Look I’m fine". She must have realized it was a lost cause to argue, so she kept silent. I checked myself out about 30 minutes later, and was in the passenger seat of Danielle’s car. "What happened?" she said, looking at me as she drove down the road. "I don’t know just some freak accident, must of not caught some breakfast" I said.
As I lay in bed later that night feeling the plastic sheets underneath me made me feel so juvenile. But Danielle insisted on them after I kept wetting the bed. I don’t know when I started crying, or when Danielle placed her arms around me, my head on her chest, but I just cried and cried. She was rocking me back and forth.
It was then, that I realized I was losing it. It was my own damn fault for not paying attention to my PTSD, to just blowing off every panic attack. I wet myself then, I felt the rush of liquid leaving my body and getting all over my pajama pants. Shortly after Danielle felt it. She got up, and pulled the covers off of me. "Babe!" she said. "Babe, you've wet yourself". I knew it already, but I didn’t care. I just sat there staring off into the distant living room of our upstairs floor. She took hold of my face and faced it towards hers "Scout Hemson" she said, knowing I hated my first name. It was a name I'd hated since I knew how to spell. It was still a "lame name" I had always thought. "Look at me baby" she said, I finally looked over at her. "Baby get up and come with me" robotically I got up. She held my hand and led me to the bathroom. She turned on the bath water. She tested it with her hands, and let the bath tub fill up half way with water. She let me get inside the tub. I sat there, still like a robot, I wrapped a towel around my body and then she led me to the couch in the living room, since she had yet to clean up the bed. She laid me down and put a blanket over me. "Go to sleep" she whispered in my ear "I’m going to make everything better when you wake up". With that I fell asleep, not knowing when she had finished cleaning up the bed or when she had left the house and drove away.
I woke up to Danielle unlocking the front door. "Wake up honey" she said as she walked into the living room. She unpacked the things from her bags and placed them on the living room table. "Come here" she said, and with nothing still but the towel on I walked towards her. She Laid a mat down on the floor and told me to lay on it. Still embarrassed from the ordeal earlier, I complied with no hesitation. She opened a pack of baby wipes and diapered me with the tenderness of a mother. She got baby powder out and began sprinkling it all over me. I began to question what she was doing. "Danielle's going to make you better sweetie". I began to understand what was going on. My girlfriend, was going to put a diaper on me. It was what I knew I deserved, I'd wet the bed so many times. And earlier that day I'd wet myself, like I was 2 years old. I looked ridiculous. A grown woman, 28 years old, with nothing but a diaper between my legs. "I don’t want you having any more accidents babe" she said. "There’s nothing wrong with wearing a diaper, it's going to help you". I knew I looked ridiculous, but knew also that she was just trying to help me. I had to go to work in about an hour, so I just kept wearing it. I started to get dressed at the same time she did. I started to take off the diaper "What are you doing babe" she said, looking over at my direction. "Taking off this diaper" I said. "I have work and I can’t go with this on". "Wear baggy pants" she said. "You’re keeping it on, or you can wet yourself again, your choice" she said. With that I took off the diaper, and we both continued getting dressed. As we both walked out the door in opposite directions to our cars, she swatted me on the butt, and said "Call me if you need me, I’m here".
I got to the station at 10am. Johnson was there already waiting. "What the hell, Hemson" she said. "What happened to you? and why are you back here the next day?". I looked over at her "Nothing, it was just a panic attack, I’m fine just leave it at that" I said.
I was sure she must have heard the crinkle of my diaper. "Fine, but If you’re not okay, just take some time off, you haven’t taken time off in a long time" as she grabbed the case file and handed it to me. "Look, Johnson, you’re my partner, not my mother, I said I’m fine. I don’t need any time off, lets just deal with the case at hand" as I grabbed the file she was handing to me. "I went back and got the statement from Amanda, our perp is about 6ft tall, caucasian, and has a german accent" she said. " Can’t he keep this behavior in his own country" I said, not realizing how angry I sounded. She had a little smile on her face as she walked past me "Like I said, some time off" she said as I started to sit at my desk. I blew off her comment and sat at my desk going through evidence file after evidence file until finally at 2pm Johnson filed past me and said " You’re still sitting here? How about some lunch? How about you and I go grab a bite to eat, I don’t remember the last time I saw you eat a full meal" as she tried closing my laptop. "Look, I have too much to do, too much evidence too many statements, just too much Johnson I said, not realizing how stern and like my father I sounded. "Alright grumpy" she said as she took her hand off the top of my laptop. "Alright, but just take it easy champ, just try to take it easy, or you’re going to break down". With that she walked out for lunch. It must have been 10 o’clock at night when Danielle called my cell phone. "Detective Hemson SVU" I said, as I put the phone to my ear. "Detective Hemson SVU had better get her butt home and into bed" she said with a playful voice. "Look baby, its 10 o’clock, come home, come home and spend some time with me" she said, not giving me time to respond to her previous statement. "Look, Danielle, I have so much to do, I have to solve this case. It's the 6th time this monster has done this in this city, I have to work". With that she immediately responded "You have to work? How about you have to eat? sleep? breath even??". I told her I would be home in a couple of hours, and told her the whole thanks, see you soon thing" and hung up. I knew she was worried about me. Heck these days it seemed like everyone was worried about me. I got up to get a cup of water and felt something in the pit of my stomach, then a huge headache over came me. I fell to the ground. It seemed like everything around me became something out of a nightmare. The walls had become spikes, the ground lava, the air carbon dioxide. I felt like the earth was spinning. Like my mind was running a thousand times overboard. All the victims of this jerks pictures were racing through my mind. Amber Smith, aged 19, Theresa Miller aged 25, Megan Thomas aged 22. Then everything went black. I must have made it out to the parking lot, to my car. Because I knew if I saw Danielle running towards me that I couldn’t of still been in the station, it was locked and she wouldn’t of been able to get in. Somehow I made it outside.
I was doubled over rocking back and forth, the crotch of my pants soaked completely. I was clutching my head yelling the victims names. "SCOUT!" she yelled as she got close to me she threw her self onto the ground crouching over me, trying to figure out what was going on. "Baby what is going on?"
I finally came back to reality and realized what I was doing. "I don’t know, I don’t know" I kept repeating, "That’s it, we're going to the hospital, you need help and I’m going to make sure you stay this time, I don’t know what’s happening to you" I blacked out again. I woke up in an ambulance, Danielle crying beside my stretcher. "Lets get some blood, they’re gonna wanna test it" said some rookie looking EMT. They drew my blood to see if I was a drug addict who overdosed. "What is going on" I yelled, struggling to break free of the restraints. "Ms.Hemson!" yelled one of the EMT's. "Ms.Hemson, you’re going to need to calm down". He kept repeating that line until the other EMT took out a needle and plunged it into my arm. All I remembered seeing was Danielles tear stricken face, completely worried, and I assure you, I felt horrible about it. I passed out.
It was about 10 in the morning when I woke up again. I was strapped down in the bed. "Must be on some 72 hour hold" I thought. A doctor came inside my room shortly after I had awoken. "How are you feeling" the quack of a doctor said. "Like a nut job" I said, completely confused.
"What am I doing here, and why am I strapped down". "You don’t remember?" said the doctor. "You were in and out of it, we’re guessing, and Danielle, the woman who found you said you were rocking back and forth until you tried to run off the 5th floor of the parking garage. "stupid doctor the woman who found me is my friend" I thought as I tried to understand what he was talking about. "I don’t remember trying to run off any parking garage, I don’t know what’s going on, I just don’t understand" I said. "We have come to believe you’re having a stress related mental breakdown due to your high-stress level job with the police department and your PTSD from your days in the marines" he said. "You've been put on paid leave from the police department, medical leave" he said. "After a 72 hour suicide watch your being released into the custody of one Danielle Escoban. "My girlfriend’s going to have custody over me?" I thought. "I have to get back to work" I said. " We’re afraid that’s not going to be possible for quite some time" he said. And then I felt it again. It took over my mind, Like a black over a family picnic. I remember the yelling and struggling. "Nurse" was the last thing I heard screamed from the doctor.
I woke up in bed, I knew it was Danielle and my bed because of the sound of that Plastic mattress cover. I had a diaper on, I knew I was wearing one because it felt the same way it had when she had put one on me the previous day. But a new feeling came over it. It was one that made me realize that I, in fact had wet it.
Danielle came in a couple minutes after I had woken up. "Hey you" she said with an endearing tone, she seemed afraid to say the wrong thing. "Hey" I said dazed and confused from all the drugs that had been pumped in me the past day. "How do you feel? Do you need anything?" she asked as she sat on the edge of the bed. "No, no I’m fine, has the station called? How long have I been out?" She looked me in the eyes as she spoke. "You’re not going back to work for a little while, your lieutenant has pretty much given you that order, you've been asleep for about two days". I began to panic. "What are you talking about? NO, no I have this case, I have work to do" as I started to try and get off the bed. "No you can’t handle the stress, it’s too much for you, you've had a breakdown, you need rest, your body can’t even take it anymore' as she placed her hand on my stomach, making me lie down a little. "Why am I in a diaper?" I asked, simple as that. "You somehow managed to lose your bladder control, you've been having accidents since you went to the hospital over and over again". "What?" I asked. "That’s impossible, I’m an adult, I’m detective Scout Hemson" I started to say . "It doesn’t matter who you are, you can’t do this to yourself anymore, you’re in bed, and you’re staying home to rest until further notice" she said seeming to have somehow over night become some sort of authority figure. "I have guardianship over you, and if you won’t listen to the doctor, or your lieutenant, you’re going to have to listen to me" she said, as she pushed me gently down on the bed. "And I say you’re staying here with me until I think you’re all better". With that she pulled the covers off of me and began to pull down the pajama pants I didn’t remember putting on in the first place. "What are you doing Danielle?" I said slightly alarmed. "I’m checking to see if you've had an accident" she said as she removed the pants completely. "Wet" she said without too much emotion. She opened the night table next to the bed and pulled out wipes, baby powder, and a diaper." When did she put all that there?" I asked myself. She removed my wet diaper, and began to change me. Although I was in a drug like haze, and stressed out completely, it had been a long time since I had laid in my bed. I forgot about the case, and the blackouts, and the war. She sprinkled the baby powder on me and slid a diaper underneath. SHOULD I CONTINUE?? I’LL LEAVE IT UP TO YOU READERS TO DECIDE IF I SHOULD FINISH IT OR NOT. JUST LET ME KNOW, I'D BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO CONTINUE, I WOULD JUST RATHER CONTINUE TO WRITE IT IF I KNEW PEOPLE WERE INTERESTED IN READING IT.
Written By: Boom Baby